


Great Expectations

by DodgerBear



Series: Sex Advice, Milkovich-style [3]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M, Married Life, mickey gives good advice, more cheesy fluffy humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:07:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25432852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DodgerBear/pseuds/DodgerBear
Summary: Mickey can’t help getting dragged further into the role he has created for himself as some kind of sex guru, with interesting results.
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Series: Sex Advice, Milkovich-style [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1833898
Comments: 34
Kudos: 306





	Great Expectations

**Author's Note:**

> This has been so much fun to write! Thank you for reading & I hope you enjoy!
> 
> find me on tumblr @dodgerbear84  
> also, if someone can tell me how tumblr works that’d be awesome 😂

“What time do you get off?” Ian’s voice was quiet. Mickey knew by the caller ID that Ian was calling from his desk on the 27th floor. Mickey was currently on the roof enjoying his first smoke break of the day. It was almost 11 on another unremarkable Tuesday in October and Ian had been pretty clingy that morning, not letting Mickey get dressed for work until they’d fooled around and each come twice. Not that Mickey was complaining but it did make him second guess Ian’s dosage when his demands for sex ramped up higher than a teenager who has just discovered how to jerk off. 

“I can get off anytime you like.” Mickey’s teasing reply came out huskier than normal and he just caught Ian’s hollow gasp. His brain had obviously decided to side with his dick and circle back to his concern about Ian at a more appropriate time and place. 

“Oh yeah? Tell me more...”

Mickey took a breath, inhaling smoke into his lungs and releasing it slowly. “You wanna come up to the roof? Got the place to myself...”

“Been a while since we hooked up on a rooftop, Mick.” Ian chuckled. “But no can do. I got a meeting in fifteen minutes. Bob wants to talk strategy for our case against the city planners for their...”

“Yo Chatterbox. Shut the fuck up about Bob and strategy and start talking dirty to me. I got my hands down my hands and I ain’t wasting this boner listening to you talk shop.” Mickey cut him off sharply. 

“You do?” 

“I do.”

“I’m at work!”

“So am I.” Mickey argued. “Besides you started it. Asking me what time I get off. I mean, come the fuck on...”

Ian could hardly disagree and laughed happily down the phone. “True.”

“Tell me what you’d do to me if you were here.” Mickey almost pleaded. 

“Oh God. I’d be all over you. Pushing you up against the wall, kissing your neck, squeezing your dick through a cheese grater until it’s in really small pieces and then pop it in the fridge until later.”

Mickey’s hand stilled on his dick. “Erm...what the fuck?”

Ian exhaled loudly. “Shit! Fuck! My boss just walked by!”

Mickey burst into laughter. “Thank fuck. I thought you’d lost your mind, psycho!”

“God. I can feel my heartbeat in my throat.”

“Can think of better things to feel in my throat.” Mickey shot back, hoping to get the mood going again. 

“Oh yeah.” Ian almost groaned. “I’d be on my knees like a shot. Want you in my mouth. Tasting you. Licking you up and down. You always taste so good, baby. Leave me wanting more every time...so I always make a whole load extra just in case and keep it in the freezer.”

“IAN! What the fuck, man?!” 

“I can’t do this, Mick. People keep walking by my desk.” Ian sounded pained. 

Mickey’s voice dropped to a growl. “Finish what you’ve started.” 

“Well hurry the fuck up.” Ian demanded before lowering his voice again. “Get your dick out and jerk it properly. Pretend I’m there. Think about me being there...all over you...touching and squeezing you...”

Mickey was embarrassingly close to shooting off in his pants. The rooftop was deserted. Nobody ever came up here as each floor had a balcony with a dedicated smoking shelter. This was only used by maintenance. So with that thought in mind, Mickey quickly opened up his pants fully and pulled his cock out. The typical October chilly air hit it and cooled him down on the outside but he was still burning up inside, needing to come more than he needed his next breath. 

“Almost there.” He muttered and Ian’s breath down the phone nearly finished him off. 

“Always so good.” Ian crooned. “I wish I was there. I can picture you in my mind but it’s nowhere near as good.”

“What would you do to me?” Mickey grunted while his hand worked so hard he nearly started a fire. 

“Swallow you whole. So all I can taste and smell is you. God you smell good. I would roll your balls between my fingers that way you like. Makes you all whiny.”

“Holy fuck Ian.”

“I’d use my fingers to tease your perfect little hole...use them to open you up...I want you ready for me to fuck you. One, then two, then three. Working you open until you’re chanting my name and begging me to let you come. And then when we’re both close I’ll line myself up...and slam the door closed on it so nothing can get in or out. Yep. That’s what I would do.”

“IAN FUCKING GALLAGHER I SWEAR TO GOD! I WILL KILL YOU!” 

“Can’t do it, Mick. I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you later.”

Mickey heard the click as Ian disconnected their call but he still checked his cell to make sure he’d hung up. He’d definitely hung up. 

“Gallagher!” Mickey shrieked like a child having a tantrum, glaring at his cock as it twitched in the open air, begging and pleading for him to finish the job. Mickey whimpered in utter pained disbelief and pulled up his pants. There was no way he could get off without Ian’s voice in his ear. 

Ian was at his desk later in the day, almost the time he left the office, with one eye on the phone records he was supposed to be highlighting and one eye on the photo next to his monitor. It was one Debbie had taken on his wedding day when neither him or Mickey realized they were being photographed. It was a beautiful side profile of them dancing together under sparkling fairy lights. Ian’s lips were brushing Mickey’s temple and the older man’s smile was tiny but perfect. Ian just had to look at the picture and he was transported back to that day. To that exact moment. His heart would speed up the rate it was beating when Debbie clicked the button. He heard the song in his head. He could live that moment over and over just by glancing at the picture in the frame. He’d never loved anyone like he loved Mickey. His eyes returned to his screen and he squinted to concentrate on the transcripts in front of him, jumping when his desk phone rang. 

“MCH, Chicago office. Ian Gallagher speaking.”

“Yeah hey. I need a good divorce lawyer. My husband is a total cockteasing asshole. You know anyone?”

Ian smirked at Mickey’s unmistakable Southside twang. “I’d be happy to represent you, sir.”

“You got the credentials? I don’t want some office lackey to handle this.”

“I got all the credentials you need, baby.” Ian giggled. “You ready to head home?”

“Lobby. Fifteen minutes.” Mickey hung up. 

Mickey was in the lobby talking to the security guard at the entrance when Ian emerged from the elevator. He said goodbye and headed to meet his husband. 

“Hey babe. Good day?” Ian greeted. 

Mickey dodged his kiss and rolled his eyes. “You don’t get to touch this.”

Ian laughed. “I’m sorry! But people were walking around and it was freaking me out. I’m still the new guy up there. I can’t get caught having phone sex with my husband.”

Mickey levelled him a cold stare. “I was on the roof with my dick out.”

Ian slipped his arm around Mickey’s back and pulled him up against his hard body as they made their way onto the sidewalk. “I said I’d make it up to you. Come on...”

They headed to the station to catch the train home and Mickey decided to broach the subject of Ian’s insatiable libido while they were outside so it didn’t come across as a hard and heavy interrogation, even though hard and heavy seemed to be Ian’s thing these days. 

“So...that thing you did in the shower this morning...”

Ian chuckled. “Good, huh?”

“Fuckin ace. You seem to want it a lot lately.”

“Hmm. Well when you’re married to the hottest slice of pie in the state...” Ian trailed off with a quick grope of Mickey’s ass through his work pants. 

“You’re okay, though, right? I know we’re at it like rabbits most of the time but recently it’s been like free ride on a sex train with you.” Mickey kept his voice light. 

Ian glanced sideways at Mickey while they waited on the platform for their train. “I’m fine.”

“Sure? It’s no problem if you’re feeling different. It happens sometimes yeah?”

Ian laughed musically. “Mick, I’m _fine_. I promise. Stable and happy.”

“So what’s with the constant fucking?” Mickey was confused. “Not that I’m complaining!”

Ian blushed slightly and shrugged. “It’s dumb.”

“Tell me.”

Ian bit his lip. “Hearing you tell those guys about being a good husband, the things they should be doing. Telling them that great sex is about being in a great relationship. It really gets me going. Like, _seriously_ gets me going. In ways I can’t explain.”

Mickey let out a burst of laughter. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s kinda gay.”

Ian grinned. “You called it.”

“Wow. So I tell people how we have great sex and in return I get even more great sex? I have nailed this advice shit!” 

Ian bent to peck Mickey on the lips. “Yes dear.”

“Yo Mick, you got a visitor.” Cesar chirped down the phone. 

Mickey’s left hand was currently twisted around a U-bend while his right hand held onto the phone. “Who the fuck is it? I’m on 18th.”

Cesar, the elderly concierge at the front desk, lowered his voice to a whisper. “Think Jessica Rabbit but with dark hair. Nice, Mick. She is very nice.”

“She?” Mickey barked, giving up on holding the plastic pipe in place and sitting on the floor in front of the sink. “Think she’s taken a wrong turn somewhere if she’s looking for me. Definitely got the right person before I drag my ass down there?”

“Very much so.” Cesar confirmed. “Get down here.”

Mickey grumbled to himself as he reconnected the pipe work in record time and headed down in the service elevator, checking on his ‘don’t-fuck-with-me’ glare in the mirror. When he emerged on the ground floor and entered the lobby he was hit by the smell of Chanel No.5 immediately. Mandy and her need to prove that she was just as entitled as every other bitch meant Mickey had shoplifted his fair share of female fragrances in his time. No.5 was her go-to scent so Mickey recognized it straight away. But the lady sitting on the red Eames sofa in the lobby was not his sister. She was a strikingly beautiful woman in her thirties with a head of black wavy hair and cat-like amber eyes. Even for a man who never felt better than he did with a dick in his ass, this woman was stunning. 

“Mickey?” She rose elegantly to her feet, which Mickey clocked were encased in Choos that Mandy liked to point out in magazines in the hope Mickey might up his game and steal something big. 

“That’s me. Can I help?” He replied brusquely, holding up his dirty hands in apology for not greeting more formally. 

“Yes, actually. My friends and I need to have a little chat with you. Do you know the Purple Peacock?”

His eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Yeah.”

“See you there at 6.” She winked and stalked out of the building. 

Cesar coughed at the desk and Mickey reeled around. “This is an interesting turn of events.”

“Fuck off. I gotta call Ian and tell him I’m going on a date with another woman.” The dark-haired man huffed in disbelief. 

Ian, rightly so, was utterly bemused and offered to join Mickey at his mystery meeting. 

“You’re making out like you’re concerned but really you’re just a curious asshole.” Mickey grumbled when they headed into the bar. 

“I just don’t know who you are anymore, baby. First it’s dinner and drinks with other guys and now it’s clandestine dates with women. Of course I’m curious!” Ian chuckled. 

“Clandes-what now?” 

“Forget it. You see her anywhere?”

Mickey scanned the bar and had a flinching memory of a time many years earlier when Ian was gone and he tried to forget it by using online dating apps to hook up with people. That anticipation of seeing the person for the first time never failed to make Mickey uncomfortable. Even back then he just wanted Ian. 

“Over there.” He pointed to a booth on the opposite wall to where they’d sat with David and his group of sexually repressed idiots a couple of weeks earlier. Ian’s curiosity was certainly piqued when he saw the woman Mickey had described sitting with two other woman, both older but no less attractive. 

“Yo. What’s all this about? It’s his turn to make dinner and I’m starving.” Mickey made his presence known in the bluntest, most Milkovich way possible. 

“Sit down. Order whatever you like for dinner. It’s on us.” Jessica Rabbit waved her perfectly manicured hand at the spare seats at the table. 

“And who exactly might ‘us’ be, if it ain’t too rude to ask?” Mickey looked around the group as they took their seats. 

“My name is Helen Gascoigne. This is Judy Percival and Miranda Becker. I believe you are acquainted with our husbands.”

Mickey shared a nervous glance with Ian and nodded. “Sure. We’ve met.”

“And you are?” Helen addressed Ian. 

The redhead smiled disarmingly. “Ian Gallagher. I’m Mickey’s husband.”

In one perfectly synchronised movement, three jaws hit the table before the ladies quickly recovered. 

“I’m sorry, what?” Miranda leaned forward on her elbows, swishing her white-blonde hair over one shoulder. 

Mickey immediately got on the defensive. “Ay. Times have changed, lady. I wanna marry a dude that’s my business.”

Ian shot him a warning look while Miranda giggled into her hand. 

“Oh I don’t have a problem with it.” She clarified. “In fact, back in school, same sex relations were all I had. Needs must in an all-girl Catholic school after all. But I’m just surprised Colin never mentioned.”

Mickey’s eyes widened in surprise. “Uh...right.”

“Martin didn’t mention it either. We’ve just heard all about this remarkable man from the office who has shown them the error of their ways. We just had to meet this man!” Helen grinned, a perfectly straight row of white teeth glittering at them. 

“Well here I am. You’re welcome. Is all this really necessary?” Mickey blushed in discomfort. 

Judy laughed merrily. “Oh relax. We were just curious. You have to see it from our point of view. Years, in fact decades, of downright mediocre sex and then all of a sudden David turns into a complete love machine! It’s been a bizarre change in the tide, Mickey.”

Mickey nodded along, playing idly with the wedding band on his finger. “I didn’t mean to cause any problems for you.”

“You didn’t!” Miranda beamed. “Quite the opposite. Colin and I have been married for a long time but I still love the silly old fool. He’s provided well for his family and I respect that. But the spark died years ago. You have given him back that spark. So let me order some drinks so I can properly thank you.”

Judy raised her almost empty wine glass. “To Mickey, the proof that you can indeed teach an old dog new tricks.”

“Hear, hear!” Helen cheered. “But there’s still work to be done. We have a few new tricks we need you to teach the old dogs, if you know what I mean.”

The three ladies didn’t wait for a response. Judy and Helen slinked off to the restroom while Miranda took her credit card to the bar where she ordered a round of drinks and flirted with the young barman. 

“Mick.” Ian tried to hide him amused smirk and failed pathetically. “What the fuck have you done?”

Mickey’s head fell on Ian’s shoulder and the redhead nuzzled his neck. “I’ve created monsters, Ian. Monsters!”

“Well, hey, look at it this way. At least we’re getting free food and drinks out of it.”

And drink and eat they did. Copiously. Ian was a complete lightweight on his meds so he stuck to lite beer and still ended up tipsy. These women were wild. Once they’d got the guys suitably fucked up they started on their mission to use Mickey as the curator of their new and improving sex lives. 

“Martin does this thing...and I don’t even think he knows I’ve noticed...where he tries to get me in the mood by twisting my nipples like he’s tuning an old radio. I need him to stop doing that.”

“Sure. No problem.” Mickey waved his hand. “Can’t have your plastic surgeon getting pissed off that his masterpiece is getting ruined.”

Helen didn’t know whether to laugh or smack him. After a moment of thought and spotting the glint in Mickey’s eye, she let out a soft burst of laughter. “Doctor Bendtner is very particular.”

“I’m sure he is.” Ian giggled. “They are a work of art.”

“Oh you think?” Helen cupped her breasts. “Thank you.”

Ian nodded. “I can be objective about boobs. Don’t wanna play with them, but I appreciate a nice rack.”

Mickey glared at him and Ian laughed cheerfully, wrapping Mickey up in a hug and kissing him deeply. “S’okay babe. I’m definitely more of an ass man.”

As if to prove it Ian grabbed handfuls of Mickey’s ass while he kissed him. The older man pulled away and grinned hazily. 

“Fuck.”

Ian just grinned back at him until Mickey prodded him. “No. Fuck. Now.”

“Not here, Mick. I’m kinda falling in love with their burgers. Please don’t get us banned from here too.” Ian pouted. 

“Fine. But you better not pass out as soon as we get home. If I don’t get laid tonight I’m gonna shove something large and unfriendly up _your_ ass.” Mickey warned but Ian barely heard as Helen dragged him onto the dance floor. Mickey watched in amazement as his husband grooved and dipped, grinding with the voluptuous Mrs Gascoigne and having the best time. 

“He’s cute.” Miranda slipped into the seat beside Mickey and rested her hand on his arm. 

“He’s fucking adorable.” Mickey grinned, eyes on his prize. 

A gentle squeeze on his forearm pulled Mickey’s eyes away from Ian, confusion clouding his face. 

“I used to date guys like you back in the day.”

His eyebrow quirked up. “Gay dudes or dudes with knuckle tatts and a constant scowl?”

Miranda giggled prettily. “You’re just my type.”

“You are the opposite of my type.” Mickey retorted with a shrug. 

“Hmm. You’ve never been tempted to try an older woman?” She ran her fingertips down his wrist and it took all of Mickey’s inner strength to avoid flinching. 

“Lady, back in the day for me meant screwing older women almost exclusively. Did fuck all for me. That guy over there? He’s the only one who ever got my motor running. I mean, look at him. He’s fucking incredible.”

Miranda hummed her agreement. “Worth a try. Come on, let’s dance.”

Ian made them get off the L two stops before their usual on the way to work the next day because he thought he was going to throw up. Mickey wasn’t faring much better but he was a Milkovich and Milkoviches did not waste good alcohol under any circumstances. They barely spoke to each other on the walk and tried to think of ways they could make it through the very long day ahead with hangovers the size of Texas. Once they got to the building Ian prepared to grunt his goodbyes at Mickey when Cesar waved them down. Just as Mickey was about to say hey to the old man, a loud voice called out to him from the elevators. 

“FOUR THIRTY!” David shrieked, red in the face and stomping closer. 

Mickey glanced at Ian wearily. “I got this. You go ahead.”

“Oh no. He needs to hear this too!” David snapped, and suddenly he was flanked by a nervous looking Martin and Colin. 

“You kept them out until 4:30 in the goddamn morning! We had no idea where the fuck they were!” David continued, warming to his theme when he saw Mickey wasn’t fighting back. 

“Helen turned up wearing a feather boa, no bra and holding a credit card receipt that was almost five fucking figures. What the hell did you guys do?” Martin spluttered. 

“Well...there was some drinking.” Ian started. 

“And burgers.” Mickey added. 

“Way, way more drinking.”

“Some dancing.” Ian smiled. 

“And then we had a competition to see who could take a bra off the quickest. You know, since our fag limp wrists have had no practice.” Mickey chuckled and regretted immediately when the little man in his brain smacked him between the eyes with his hammer. 

“WHAT THE FUCK?” Colin growled. “How could you?”

“Did you see my wife’s breasts?” Martin hissed. 

“See them? I had a good feel of them! Amazing things.” Mickey beamed at the memory. He needed coffee before he could function and tried to steer Ian away from the group. 

“Wait just a minute!” Martin yelled and everyone in the lobby fell silent. 

Cesar ignored the phone until the caller gave up. Denise the mail lady placed her stack of parcels on the counter and got ready to watch the show. Remy the security guard subtly closed the door to reduce the street noise. The only sound that could be heard was the elevator that Ian had called pinging open. 

“Okay, lemme just say this once. I’ve got a hangover that might still possibly kill me and I am in no mood to play games with you crazy bastards. Your wife accosted me here last night and demanded I meet her.” He snarled at Martin. “And after a few drinks, _Colin_ , your wife was trying to get me to switch teams for the night.”

Colin spluttered indignantly and Mickey waved him off as he followed Ian into the elevator. 

“Since you were so keen on hearing my advice, I got some more for you. Martin, stop yanking on your wife’s exquisite tits until her eyes water. It does not turn her on. David, go down on your wife every now and then. It’s not just for special occasions. Jesus, if I can eat ass the least you can do is eat some fuckin pussy. And Colin, your wife is a fucking wildcat. She wants her hair yanked and her ass slapped sometimes. If she’s trying to turn fags straight for the night you are not keeping up your end of the bargain, my friend.”

The whole place had shut down and was listening to Mickey’s rant. Ian was desperate to get up to his office so he could head out to the balcony for fresh air and try to quell his nausea. He gripped Mickey’s hand in a silent pleading gesture to wrap this up. Mickey complied with his own silent gesture, flipping off the three men who were rooted to the spot in shame. The doors to the elevator closed and Ian slumped into Mickey’s arms. 

“I am never drinking again.” He mumbled. 

Mickey laughed softly and stroked Ian’s neck tenderly. “Yeah. Think it’s best if I cut back on my sex advice clinics for a while.”

Ian added his own chuckle. “Just for a while.”

“Love you, Gallagher. Have a good day.” Mickey slapped Ian’s ass when they reached 27 and the redhead departed. Mickey headed on up to the roof for his own fresh air in the form of a cigarette and hoping for Ian to maybe pay him a visit when his hangover inevitably turned to horniness. If Mickey knew his man, and he really did believe that he did, Ian would be on the roof fucking him senseless in under an hour. 

When Mickey’s phone rang 23 minutes later and he saw Ian’s name on the screen, he grinned wickedly to himself. 

“Come on up, Gallagher. I’m ready for you.”

**Author's Note:**

> if you have any scenarios you’d like me to attempt drop me a comment 🧡


End file.
